“Shut Up!” Dad slapped me in the face.

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My face was burning red from the pain of the slap, but also from the shame.

Everyone was looking at me. I wished the ground would swallow me.

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It made no sense. One moment I was all giddy and excited and now I’m writhing in pain, filled with shame, and feeling betrayed.

Just moments ago, I felt so safe and happy to be with my family. Where did all that love disappear?

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It hurt so much I couldn't stop screaming.

“If you don’t stop crying, I’ll hit you again!” I couldn’t stop, no matter how hard I tried.

With a strangled voice, I muttered in despair, “I can’t stop it.”

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The response came immediately, another painful slap, this time on my neck.

“You can and will stop crying immediately!” “Stop making up excuses!” I was so scared; he was ready to break my neck to silence my expression of pain.

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As I froze every single muscle in my body effort to stifle my cry, his commanding voice bellowed, “Now sing like a proper boy!”

It felt impossible.

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“I told you to sing!” He shouted.

Shaking in fear, I began singing in a broken voice through my tears.

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“Sing nicely like everyone! Stop being so pitiful!” 

Again, it felt so impossible.